20 years. ❤️ I can’t help it – I still look at her and think: we made that.

20 years ago tonight we went and saw the movie “Meet the Parents” and then ended up in the hospital as Margaret finally decided to grace us with her presence, seven days late. It was a long and difficult labor that ended up with an emergency c-section as she was in distress. The epidural didn’t completely take which made the surgery uncomfortable to say the least. It was a bit of a melee, in which John was frantically putting on scrubs and ended up with a booty on his head (quickly corrected when pointed out by a kind nurse.). I had my mom and John with me as she was born. The ob had a very difficult time getting her out – she was sort of stuck with her head wedged in my pelvis. Those were some long minutes as both pediatrician and ob worked to release her. The relief in the room was palpable when we heard her cry. I met her briefly before she was taken to the NICU where she stayed for about twenty four hours.

But in all of that – here is what I remember. Everything is happening all at once. Everyone is moving very fast. The normally unflappable OB is impatient and frustrated that the surgery team is taking so much time to get organized (it was a Sunday). John and my mom are beyond terrified. And while I’m in a kind of pain I can’t put into words, I am not afraid. Inside, I feel a deep sense of calm. I don’t know how I know, but I have this complete sense that she is ok, she is still with me, she is on her way to me.

I will never forget that certainty and calm and let me tell you – I’ve never had it since. But I think in some ways, that moment is why when I finally did take this one home, I felt like ”oh there you are.” As though she had always been here, but maybe just in another room my whole life.

Happy 20th to the incomparable Margaret Anne.